It’s okay NOT to be okay.
I have heard people say this a few times and have seen it in different
forms on social media. And I have
certainly heard the term in my head over the last few months, for sure. But for a certainty, it really is past time
that we, as people, Christians especially, realize the truth of this
statement. You are not perfect, nor are
you expected to be, (no matter what others may put on you). As long as you are on this side of the earth
you will never be. And that is
“perfectly” okay.
You see the church has said some things to me over the
years, and especially since the death of my son, Joseph, that would have me to
believe that it is a sin and a dishonor for people to know that you are not
okay. For some reason we have this idea
in our heads, that when you display some sign of weakness, some sign of
imperfection, some sign that something is wrong with your life, that what you
are telling people is that God is not good.
“The church” has also stressed that since you are NOT okay, you yourself
cannot go and preach to others to believe God or walk in faith, if you are
struggling to do so. I believe that as
long as you continue to live your life; continue to do what you know to do, in
spite of your feelings; continue to strive to believe God (remember the father
of the boy with the unclean spirit, Mark 9:24, “Lord, I believe, but help my unbelief.”), as
long as you desire to live in faith (even the little that you hold on to); you
can share your experience with others and encourage people to hang on to theirs. Time out for everything to be okay with
you. Especially by someone else’s
standards. God does not put that on us,
don’t let someone else put it on you.
It’s okay NOT to be okay. You are
not practicing sin. You are not being a
bad example and you can still encourage someone else.
We do God and people an injustice when we walk around as if
everything is right with our world, because what we are doing is
pretending. Pretending that things are
perfect in our lives and they could not be any better. When we walk around as if we have it
altogether it is part of the reason why unbelievers and the world cannot relate
to us, because unlike you, they have issues.
Real ones. Problems that get them
down. Problems in need of solving. But if you don’t have any, or pretend that
you don’t, how will they know about the problem solver you claim to know? Or better yet, that their problems can be
solved by the Problem Solver you claim to know.
People are delivered by real testimony.
Real situations. Real circumstances. Real feelings. Not something you heard, or made up, but what
you have actually gone through. And if
you do not share it, or think it’s okay to share it, how will they know?
Yes, I know. People
should not know everything you are going through. And I agree with that to an
extent. But when people know that you’ve
been hurt and see you trying to pretend that you are not, what they actually
see is hypocrisy. You are talking a good
game that all is right with your world, when it is not. Clearly. People know, lots of them, that my son Joseph
was killed. People know how much that must
hurt, most people anyway. But if I were
to walk around pretending that I am not hurting, I not only hurt myself, but I
hurt others, because some would believe, one, I must have not loved him as much
as I said I do; or two, I am invincible (perfect) and have no feelings. Feelings matter. Mine, yours.
Yes, we are called to walk by faith, which is why you can overcome those
feelings… casting aside every high thing that exalts itself against the Word of
God. So, when it comes to am I going to ride with these feelings and let them
sink me deep into a depressive state or am I going to take up my bed and walk;
my faith says, take up your bed and walk, even if I am walking with a limp.
It's okay NOT to be okay.
It’s okay to feel it. If you try
and bypass those feelings, even talking them out, you’re pretending that you
have it altogether. But you don’t. You’re holding it inside, too afraid to say
something for fear of being judged and you’re giving a place to the devil. He will take those thoughts and twist
them. His motive is to steal, kill and
destroy. Just as he set about to get
Jesus to kill Himself by throwing Himself over that mountain, that devil wants
you to kill yourself too. Whispering the
very things that are hurting you back into your ear, to make you so depressed
that you actually believe it to be better if you were not here. Don’t let him do it to you. It’s okay not to be okay and it’s okay to tell
somebody.
Find someone to share those thoughts with. And I know it’s hard. There are even therapists out there who have
experienced pain themselves and are not even sharing the pain that they are
feeling, but in turn, taking that pain and causing someone else to fall in some
way by passing on lies and false beliefs as to why they feel the way they
do. Therapists have issues too. Please, if you are a therapist, tell people
the truth and not what you would have them to believe. Tell them you’re hurting too. Tell them you’re not perfect. That YOU made a mistake. Show them the power
of forgiveness.
Sometimes the not being
okay is because we have not forgiven ourselves.
That’s real therapy.
And for those who believe that people are okay when they are
not, don’t think of people being dramatic, or overly so. What does that mean anyway? They may have some real issues and you miss
the sign, the call for help, if you simply dismiss it as, “her being dramatic,”
“or this is what he always does.” That “drama”
might just be a cry for help. For an ear. For a hug.
I often wonder what it is that pushes people over the
edge. I believe that the thoughts are
always there. And in little ways, people
play a role. You never know what that
phone call did or how the slightest little thing changed a thought. What happened to Kate Spade recently and
Anthony Bourdain, and of late, Bobbi Kristina Brown and Robin Williams, is not a
rare occurrence. Suicidal thoughts are
even with people that are well known, loved, successful, young and old. We never know who these thoughts are
affecting and to what degree. But I do
believe this, for whatever reason, those thoughts may not have been
shared. Lots of people suffer inside, in
silence, for many reasons and it seems these days we make it harder for them to
say anything about it. For fear of what
others might think. Unfortunately,
especially in the household of faith.
We have this thing in the church, that if something is wrong
with your life, you did something for it to be wrong. We have become very judgmental, hiding behind
the Word, and people, especially leaders, are afraid to say anything. They are living behind the façade that all is
right with their world, when they need to be on the altar, the most. It’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to feel bad, to be sad, to mourn,
to grieve. It’s okay to display emotion. All of them.
I know there was a part in the Bible where God spoke to
Ezekiel when his wife died, and He commanded Ezekiel not to mourn her. But God had a specific purpose for doing
that, and unless He told you not to mourn, not to hurt, not to cry, you do
it. It’s okay not to be okay. And it’s okay to say so.
It’s okay to cry.
It’s okay to say you are doubting right now. It’s okay to come clean with where you are
spiritually. In your walk. You are free from condemnation. In spite of what people tell you.
Now of course there is another side to this, because there are
always two sides to a story. It is the way
you do it. Don’t be like Job’s wife and
curse God and die, because something has happened to you. Continue to believe. Continue to have faith. Continue to confess that and ask God to help
you with your struggle. Ask God to help
you to believe again. To restore the joy
of His salvation. And most of all, ask Him
to be glorified in it all. Because if
that is your ultimate goal even in the midst of your pain, God WILL be
glorified. He can be, and He will be.
It really is okay NOT to be okay. Take it from someone who knows. And I admit I am NOT okay. But I WILL BE.
And there shall be glory after this, because God is real.
Sis. E
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