Now since the holidays have passed, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year and what would have been birthday year 26, feels like I can move on and breathe again. Another season in the books without my Joseph… . But we made it through by the grace of God. Approaching another year without him. Year 4. Year 4 for us without him. Life forever altered by befores and afters. Withs and withouts. Death has a way of changing how you look at the calendar and the seasons.
Was a rough patch for a
while. A rough season. A hard time filled with memories of other lost
loved ones. A sister, a brother, a mother-in-law,
whom we lost in the span since we’ve lost our Joe. Then
there were visits to the ER, to the doctors (multiple), to ambulatory care
units and then diagnoses… one, two, three… all in the midst of this season of
just a few months, “my season of despair,” I called it. Someone called me Jobette. Sort of felt like that for a minute, still do
on some days, but God. Covered by His
grace.
And yet even
in the midst of all of that, my family and I got to take a family vacation to
Aruba, (far away from last year’s trip to Chicago). Weather was ideal, no lower than 78, no
higher than 82. Perfect temperatures for
the beach, where we spent most of our time.
The beach
relaxes me, you know. It’s almost like I
belong there. Like I was born there or
something. It’s what I call my little piece
of heaven on the earth. Mi paraiso. And I suppose it’s as close to paradise (and
Joseph) as I will get. For now,
anyway. So I’ll take it any chance I
can.
Looking at
the sand on the beach, I saw myself as a child just sitting and playing in
it. I’m sure you’ve seen how children
sit in the sand and are content to just sit there playing in it. Totally oblivious to what is going on around
them. That is where God had me. That is where I felt like I was. In the sand.
A child playing in the sand. Twirling
my stick, oblivious yet aware. And God
has sat me there in the midst of all the things that are happening all around
me. I don’t know why they’re
happening. There is nothing I can do
about them happening. Right now
anyway. I’ve just got to go along with
it. But in order to go along with it, sometimes
you’ve got to get out of the way. And so
I sit. In the sand, where God has placed
me. Twirling my stick until God comes
along and says it’s time to move on. And
tells me to put the stick down.
Truth is, it
is only then that we can move on. That we can do anything. When God says so. We can only move by His grace. Until then, we must be content to simply sit
and wait…
I don’t why
things happen. Still don’t. I don’t know why my Joe had to die, but I’ve learned
something from it. And I’m learning some other things, which you
will hear about soon. God’s grace has
been moving in my life in ways I had not seen BUT by His grace. His grace is sufficient.
I don’t know
why we have to suffer and suffer so much at one time. Back to back, to back to back. I do know that the Word says that Jesus
suffered. And that He learned obedience
through the things He suffered. Maybe
that’s one reason. Seems a harsh way to
learn obedience. But I’m not God. His ways are not my ways, neither are His
thoughts my thoughts. Who am I to
question them? But thankfully in the midst of the suffering, God’s grace comes
along and lightens the load. Never
gives you more than you can bear. His
grace is sufficient.
In this
season, in these few months all I’ve heard and keep hearing is, “My grace is sufficient.” I
open the Word and read it. I hear it
from a preacher. I heard it out of my
husband’s mouth. In devotionals. From things I just happen to pick up and
read. From the very mouth of God. “My grace is sufficient.”
In 2 Corinthians,
Chapter 7, the Apostle Paul speaks of a thorn that he believe he had. That thorn could have been an illness, could
have been a shortcoming, an annoyance, the Bible doesn’t say; but Paul said to God,
“Three times I asked you to take it away from me.” Three times… the number of the divine. His divine will. Each time he asked God told him, “My grace is
sufficient. For when you are weak, then
I am strong.” Then Paul got this
revelation, “So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power
of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take
pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and
troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” His
grace is sufficient.
Everything
you need, everything you are going through, everything you shall face… God says,
My grace is sufficient. That shortcoming… My grace is sufficient. That hardship, that persecution, that trouble…
My grace is sufficient.
Your broken pieces…
My grace is sufficient. Your missing
ones… My grace is sufficient. Your
health challenges… My grace is sufficient.
Your financial burdens… My grace is sufficient. Your loved ones… My grace is sufficient.
Just
continue to play in the sand (as I have) until it’s time for Me, until it’s
time for My grace to move you on. My
grace is sufficient to do so. My grace
is sufficient to keep you. Sufficient to
hold you. Sufficient to lighten your
load.
His grace is
sufficient. For you. And His grace is sufficient for me.
Because God
is real, I am, still,
His servant,
His servant,
Sis. E
Copyright ©2019 EvelynFannell
All rights reserved.
No comments:
Post a Comment