Been led to
share this coming on the heels of our Women’s Tea, where our topic was “Friendships
Matter.”
God has
spoken and He still is speaking a lot about friends, revealing hearts, what is
in mine, and what is in others. Or more
so what I perceive to be in others.
Certainly everyone is not meant to be your friend and just because we
might consider them as such, does not mean that they are. But as discussed at the Tea, if we allow Him
to and if we are open to hear, God will reveal who your friends are and where
in your life they belong, which will not only give you peace but them as well. God will also remove people from your life
the way He deems. We would save
ourselves a lot of grief if we would allow God to do so and stop trying to do
it ourselves.
Anyway, friends...
Some are just like us. Some are completely opposite. Some are in your life for a reason. Some are in your life for a season. Some friends stretch us and help to mold us.
Some friends we are supposed to stretch.
Some friends show us what not to
do, which actually help us to become better people. Some friends we pray with, some friends we
hang out with, while there are some we just sit and chill with. But one thing is certain every friend should
allow you to be you. And when you feel
as though you don’t have that space to be who you are, it may be time to
reevaluate. Not necessarily getting rid
of the friend, but just knowing where they belong at any particular period in
your life.
At the Women’s
Tea, a new friend of mine and each one of the Favoured Women of God, (the name
of our Women’s Ministry) spoke from a different sub-topic. Needing A Friend, How to Pick Your Friends,
Dealing with Expectations, Recognizing False Friends, Categorizing Friends,
Being A Friend and Knowing How/When/IF to Walk Away. And each one of the topics crossed over to
another topic in some way. But God has
been dealing with me specifically on Needing A Friend and Dealing with Expectations.
As I shared
there, I have never been more aware in my life of needing a friend than I am
now. Following the death of my son,
Joseph I have found myself more in need of friendship than ever before. For months leading to this and up until this
day, I have dealt with a host of emotions, seemingly from friends, including, betrayal,
separation, loneliness, and unforgiveness.
And my first reaction to all of this was simply to pull away. To be by myself. And I struggle often with that, but God yet
keeps bringing me back to what it means to be a friend. And I can’t be a friend or have one even if I
insist on being by myself. So with that in
mind, I want to share some thoughts about friends that God has shared with me.
Sometimes
friendship is a bit uneven. One friend
will often carry the weight of another, or seemingly do more than the
other. It does not mean one is not a
friend. If we find ourselves questioning
why they don’t do such and such, then we are the ones who are not being
friends. Friendship comes from the
heart. You don’t do something for a
friend and then expect that friend to do those things with you or for you. That’s what you do. That’s who you are. It’s not what they are. You do you. Don’t expect
your friend to do you, too. They can (and will) only do themselves.
A friend is
someone who assesses the needs of another and wants to meet that need without
requiring the same. Don’t pick up the
heavy load and then ask your friend why are you not helping me. Pick it up and be willing to carry it (without
proclaiming you are carrying it) for as long as you need to UNTIL your friend
has the strength to carry it with you, even if it is her load.
A friend is
someone who is there when you pick up the phone. One they can lean on for support. They are ready to step in (when and if they
can) and help you even if it means their own plans will suffer.
A friend is
someone you want to spend time with even if the time you spend together you are
not necessarily doing anything. One of
the best measurements of friendship is that you are comfortable with the
uncomfortable. You don’t have to force
yourself to talk when there is silence. I love that about my husband and even with my
children, that we don’t have to talk, sometimes it is just the being
there. TOGETHER. I often have conversations on the phone with
my daughter, and I don’t hear anything except her breathing. We don’t feel like we HAVE to say anything.
God said, “Friends
are consistent, persistent, but never insistent.”
Friends are
consistent... they are unchanging over a period of time.
Friends are
persistent… they continue firmly, without wavering, in a course of action in
spite of difficulty or opposition. Friends
endure.
Friends are
never insistent. They do not insist or
demand something (especially which one cannot give). They do not simply refuse on the basis of
just because.
A friend
does not insist on having her own way. And
in learning this, I am learning that I cannot demand things from my
friends. Especially if they are just not capable of
giving it. A hard lesson, but one I have
come to accept.
Isn’t that
what love is? 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, NLT
it says, “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or
rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no
record of being wronged. (Remember that
the next time you keep count of how many times you do something for a friend?) It does not rejoice about injustice but
rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is
always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
God also
said, “Friends do not feel obligated, they feel obliged.”
Obligation
comes from you. It’s a demand you put on
someone else. To be obliged comes from
them. It’s a demand they put on themselves.
Your friends
should not feel like they are obligated to do something and you should not have
to compel them to do anything. Friends do
it simply because they want to. They
oblige. They give in (and of) themselves
freely without question.
And a friend
loves at all times. At ALL times. Even when friends are not lovable. And here is where God flipped the script on
me, because He showed me, ME. Even when
I did not feel like loving or allowing myself to be loved, if I am to be a
friend or call myself one, I am supposed to love. AT ALL TIMES.
Which sometimes might mean picking up the phone when I’d rather not.
That’s what a friend is. That’s what friendships are
made of. And that’s why friendships
matter. Because God does and He is love. And His love never fails.
So in
whatever category you may fall, I thank you for being a friend. My friend. Your friendship matters.
A servant (and
friend) of the Lord,
Sis. E
