Free To Love

You know I don’t know what it’s gonna take

I tried in so many ways to show them what they did to me

How much they hurt me

How I feel like they took a knife and stabbed it in my back

And just keep twisting it over and over and over again

Every time I see them

Every time I hear their voice

Every time the subject is brought up

It hurts

Why don’t they just see that Lord?

How many times Lord?

How many times must I hurt? 

Must I forgive? 

I am past the point of loving

I am past the point of bleeding

It’s their turn to bleed now.

After all it wasn’t me who did this to them

It wasn’t me who betrayed them

I continued to love them in spite of it all

I continued to give, I continued to believe

That it would work out

It wasn’t me who believed a lie

And who keeps believing it

Year after year after year after year

It wasn’t me who let them down

It wasn’t me who left, who died.

But I might as well have

As many times as they’ve killed me

Refusing to acknowledge my existence

My life

Who I am and what I care about

Not even caring enough to see it

To give it a second thought

To apologize

It hurts, Lord

And I can’t keep doing this

I can’t keep looking past their fault

And seeing their need

I can’t keep loving them anyway

Praying for them, anyway

I can’t keep crying…

I can’t keep forgiving them, Lord

Just to have them do it all over again

70 x 7 doesn’t work for me

Surely we must be at 500 by now

I know love doesn’t keep count

But how much they must be counting

As every day goes by, as every month goes by

And they refuse to forgive me

Refuse to move on

To let go

of something I haven’t even done

I know I need to forgive them, Lord

I just can’t do that anymore

I am bitter

I don’t want to be

I just want the pain to go away

I just want the hurting to stop

The tears to end

When are YOU going to do something about it?

Vindicate me, for I am innocent.

End the evil of those who are wicked,
and defend me

Cause them to see
Stop them from doing this to me Lord.

My soul hurts

And I long to be cleansed,

I long to be free from this pain

of resentment

of bitterness

of hostility

of anger

of unforgiveness

Forgive them Father for they know not what they do

Forgive me Father, because I do.

I forgive them Lord

And if I forgive other people when they sin against me,

You will also forgive me

And then I will be free again

to love.