Monday, October 1, 2012

Free To Love

You know I don’t know what it’s gonna take
I tried in so many ways to show them what they did to me
How much they hurt me
How I feel like they took a knife and stabbed it in my back
And just keep twisting it over and over and over again
Every time I see them
Every time I hear their voice
Every time the subject is brought up
It hurts
Why don’t they just see that Lord?
How many times Lord?
How many times must I hurt? 
Must I forgive? 
I am past the point of loving
I am past the point of bleeding
It’s their turn to bleed now.
After all it wasn’t me who did this to them
It wasn’t me who betrayed them
I continued to love them in spite of it all
I continued to give, I continued to believe
That it would work out
It wasn’t me who believed a lie
And who keeps believing it
Year after year after year after year
It wasn’t me who let them down
It wasn’t me who left, who died.
But I might as well have
As many times as they’ve killed me
Refusing to acknowledge my existence
My life
Who I am and what I care about
Not even caring enough to see it
To give it a second thought
To apologize
It hurts, Lord
And I can’t keep doing this
I can’t keep looking past their fault
And seeing their need
I can’t keep loving them anyway
Praying for them, anyway
I can’t keep crying…

I can’t keep forgiving them, Lord
Just to have them do it all over again
70 x 7 doesn’t work for me
Surely we must be at 500 by now
I know love doesn’t keep count
But how much they must be counting
As every day goes by, as every month goes by
And they refuse to forgive me
Refuse to move on
To let go
of something I haven’t even done
I know I need to forgive them, Lord
I just can’t do that anymore
I am bitter
I don’t want to be
I just want the pain to go away
I just want the hurting to stop
The tears to end
When are YOU going to do something about it?
Vindicate me, for I am innocent.
End the evil of those who are wicked,
and defend me
Cause them to see
Stop them from doing this to me Lord.
My soul hurts
And I long to be cleansed,
I long to be free from this pain
of resentment
of bitterness
of hostility
of anger
of unforgiveness

Forgive them Father for they know not what they do
Forgive me Father, because I do.

I forgive them Lord
And if I forgive other people when they sin against me,
You will also forgive me
And then I will be free again
to love.

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