Monday, December 14, 2015


Somehow I keep finding myself there
Somehow I keep finding myself here
Left to listen to the sound of the drips
as the drops make their way down my cheek
I know I’ve cried before
Just never like this...
Didn’t ever think I would be able to actually hear the sound of a teardrop…
That is until you were gone.
And I was, (we are) left to continue without you
How can I remember to breathe
knowing that a life I breathed into this world
I could never hear breathe again?
Funny thing about grief
and losing a life (that you gave)
you never really know how it feels
until it comes upon you
Must be what God felt that day when He gave up His Son.
Didn’t really want to know… It was just a thought, I said.
Wasn’t meant to be answered
Wasn’t given an option
Take it or leave it wasn’t presented before me
I would have definitely left it
But things happen
…The grass withers, the flowers fade…
…For what is life? It is just a vapor that appears for a little time and then quickly vanishes away.
It’s weird being in this place.
It’s not a feel good place. 
Walking in this valley of the shadow of death.
Alone, but not so much.  
You’re there... but not there.
You’re here. But not REALLY.
“I AM,” I hear. Just in a different space.
“But not MY space.” I answer.
So I take a deep breath and I breathe again with the life I have…
The life I have yet to give, remembering
“Oh, Lord teach us to number our days…”
And I tenderly pick up the pieces of my brokenness
...alone, but alive.
You are STILL ALIVE.  You’re still alive!
You said so poetically.
I go on with this never-ending look of sadness in my eyes,
Wiping away involuntary tears that don’t seem to know how to stop running…
on the inside.
And I no longer ask God the question, why
But don’t hesitate to ask Him, when
…until I see you again.
As I sit alone, (but not lonely),
in this place called grief.

For my Joe.
From Mom.

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