Bend Before You Break

"If we don't bend we will break."
"What doesn't bend, breaks."

I first heard this quote some time ago and really did not pay much attention to it until last night.

I was watching a Netflix TV series with my hubby and one of the characters was dealing with the death of his wife. He was speaking with a pastor who challenged him in his thinking when she said this to him. It sparked something in me when she said it and as the show continued I began to ponder the thought myself.

An episode or two later, the words came up again, although said a little differently. "You must bend, so you don't break." Ever since, those words, bending and breaking, have not left my spirit, hence this writing.

In our lives, no matter what we are growing through, and I say this in particular during this season of my own life when I have been presented with my own growth challenges.... Life keeps on "lifing" as they say. Troubles come in all kinds of shapes. Heartache, issues, pain, situationships, (whatever names floats your boat), stuff happens. To everybody. Grief never ends. It never comes to an end. Just when you think you have it figured out in one way, it pops up in another. You grieve in so many ways on so many different levels. Loss, love, relationships. What was, is, could be, should be. All the coulda, woulda, shoulda, whatifs, and anything else. All things designed to either cause you to bend or to break.

So when I heard these again, they screamed at me... "if you don't bend, you will break." Meaning if I don't adjust, adapt, accept what is, I will break... down. And it could not be more true. It did happen. It has happened. And it will happen. But only if I let it.

Of course I had to look it up to see where it came from, and what I found was that the term was originally penned, "What doesn't bend, breaks" by Ani DiFranco in a song, back in 2011 and has been reused and reworded, in different forms many times over since then, with many others taking credit. But the gist yet remains still. To be flexible and adaptable enough that you may be able to withstand in the face of life's challenges, so that you can remain unbreakable.

If I do not bend, I will break.

When I refuse to accept the reality that my Joe was not here; when I held back my tears; when I didn’t talk about it, there came a time I broke down. I did not allow myself to bend. This can have internal consequences as well. Holding things in, refusing to deal with situations, can cause internal suffering. Sickness. Disease. Which is your body breaking. Down. What doesn't bend, breaks.

No matter what it is, what we are facing, we have to learn how to adapt. We have to adjust. We have to bend. And I'm not saying compromise. This has nothing to do with compromising. We are not lowering our standards to accept anything that is less than "reasonably" desired. But what we are doing is adjusting our thinking or perspective rather than stubbornly resisting things, so that it benefits us. And ultimately it will lead us to a better and higher place.

We're bending. Not breaking. Giving in. Not giving up. Reaching out for help when and if we need it. Not because we're weak, but because we're strong.

Bending is courage. And yes requires faith. For it's in the bending we find we have a God, that if we believe, really won't let us break.

God is real. Still.

And I am still,
the Lord's servant,
Sis. E and Joe's mom

Evelyn Fannell ©2026
www.butgodisreal.com
www.intheshadowofgrief.com